Trump and His National Emergency

by Charles S. Garabedian

The only real national emergency we have in this country right now—apart from Christian fundamentalism and conservative evangelicalism—is Trump himself. He is a one man, no holds barred, free-ranging, and highly unpredictable Destructo Pup. The current government shutdown he announced in the Oval Office and later implemented is a master stroke of destruction. I am ready to designate him as “National Parental Failure Poster Child of the 20th Century.”

Now, I am going to tell you why this government shutdown is so destructive, and why you will be seeing scads of bad things happening in our economy if it goes on for another few weeks. Each federal dollar that goes into the paycheck of our 800,000 furloughed and unpaid federal workers goes into our economy when it is spent. In turn, that same dollar is passed around from one person to several other people or companies in payment for good and services. A value multiplication factor is at work. That one dollar that went into a federal worker’s paycheck gets passed around to a net valuation of $70, 80$, $100, $150, or more, depending on the local economy in cities and towns all across the United States. I know about that because I occasionally work with socioeconomic data, and I used to work for two firms that did economic modeling.

Let us do a very simple and quick example. A federal worker normally gets a paycheck of $2,000 per week. Each dollar of that amount feeds into the economy through purchases of goods and services.  In turn, that dollar goes into other peoples paychecks—and it gets circulated from one person to another numerous times such that each initially circulated dollar soon translates into $150 in economic activity. Ultimately and rather quickly, each dollar in that $2,000 per week federal paycheck turns into $300,000 of economic value. Now, let us say that each of the furloughed and unpaid 800,000 federal government workers make $2,000 per week. Their paycheck dollars normally go into the economy, get circulated from one person to another, and increase in value as they get circulated. What happens in the economy?

Those 800,000 paychecks per week translate into an increased economic value of $240,000,000,000 every few weeks. Now—Now—Now. What if those paychecks are no longer being sent to federal workers, and all that added value per paycheck dollar through circulation from one person to another is no longer flowing into and through our economy each week—and the government shutdown goes on for many weeks. Yes, people will suffer, and that human suffering is very important. We need to show much Christian heart and concern for that initial suffering.

However, American private businesses will begin suffering too because they need those circulated dollars to pay their workers—and in turn—their commercial customers need that money to pay their workers, but they do not have that money because old Orange Pate stopped the dollar flow with a government shutdown—and on and on it goes down the line as one dollar is no longer being circulated from one hand to another—until a big pile of accumulated economic poop hits the fan and you no longer have school lunch money to give your kid.

What I have presented above is a vast oversimplification of what actually happens inside the complex guts of a computer-based economic model—but it does give you a very basic idea of what happens. Trump is clearly playing with fire on this government shutdown, and guess who gets burned to one degree or another?  The American people do!  You do!

You just watch!  If this government shutdown goes on for another three weeks, all Hell will begin breaking loose as many ordinary people like you and your family are also—just like the federal workers—increasingly unable to pay your bills. Why? George the federal worker can no longer buy groceries because he has no paycheck, and in turn, the grocery store where George shops becomes increasingly unable to pay their meat cutter because George’s money and the money of other federal employees is no longer flowing into that grocery store—and on down the economic line it goes with other American businesses.

No one else in the news media is telling you about this little-known but true monetary value multiplication factor right now. Regular journalists like Anderson Cooper at CNN do not live inside the guts of computer-based economic models, and they can be clueless about this sort of thing up to a certain point—but old economics reporters such as Erin Burnett and Christine Romans will soon sit up and say “HOWDY!!!” as things get worse. Then everyone will know.

Prepare for a bit of Hell on Earth as The Donald Trump Show burns your country, life savings, and the American economy down to get Trump’s stupid Wall—all in a desperate effort to ensure his old, white, Christian fundamentalist and conservative evangelical base that he and The Wall will keep America racially white for a while longer.

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T-Minus One Day and Counting

by Charles S. Garabedian

Impeach Trump

Good morning folks. January 3, 2019, arrives at midnight tonight. Tomorrow the Blue Wave Democrats in the U.S. House of Representatives are sworn into office by official oath. They already had their Congressional orientations weeks ago, and they will get down to work tomorrow by doing what the U.S. Constitution requires them to do—serve as a close watch and check on the President of the United States and the entire Executive Branch of the U.S. Government.

They have the power to investigate people (including old Orange Pate himself), their behaviors in office, any crimes or abuses of power they might have committed, and any sort of corruption in office. Their powers are very broad, and they have the legal authority to issue subpoenas that compel people by law to come to the U.S. Congress and its various committees to testify and undergo extraordinarily hostile and highly detailed interrogation about various matters. Failure to show up in response to a subpoena carries with it a fine and/or a prison sentence. Telling lies in testimony (a crime called perjury) entails a similar penalty.

The Robert Mueller investigation was only the beginning of woes for Trump. The half-ass, look-the-other-way, ignore-the-truth, be-sure-not-to-find-the-truth, protect-Trump-at-all-costs investigations conducted by Republicans like Representative Devin Nunes (R-California) in the U.S. House of Representatives over the past two years was Phase II. Tomorrow Phase III, an authentic search for comprehensive truth—and a whole lot of major league butt kicking—begins. I hope their first order of business will be an official investigation into Devin Nunes that results in public disgrace and his formal expulsion from the U.S. House of Representatives.

Tomorrow morning, I suspect some bunch of racist Christian fundamentalist or conservative evangelical white ladies in Arkansas, all about about 81 years old (give or take a few years), are going to be on their knees offering up a joint prayer to God similar to this one:

Dear Heavenly Father. We know with all our hearts and souls that our nice Mr. Trump in the White House is a sacred and Holy vessel thrown on your own pottery wheel and shaped in every detail by your perfect hands. In thought, mind, behavior, and deed, he must surely be the nearly perfect servant you created him to be. He is surely one of your sons—because our “true” Christian preachers tell us so—and we know every word that comes out of their preacher mouths is a true word straight from you, Heavenly Father, to our ears.

Moreover, we know with all our hearts that our nice Mr. Trump is the highly special and greatly beloved “Anointed One of the Lord” you sent to save our Christian fundamentalist and conservative evangelical faith, the only “true” Christian faith that exists anywhere on Earth. We know you worked a very special miracle to slip Mr. Trump into office just for us—as President of the United States—and over that vile, wicked, Hell-bound United Methodist “Bitch of Baal” known as Hillary. She had the election already won, but you (and maybe our nice Mr. Putin) stepped in to block her way. We just know you sent Mr. Trump to protect our faith tradition and our nation from all those wicked Democrats, Independents, liberals, progressives, niggers, poor migrants from shithole countries, taco-eating wetbacks, and all their diseased cockroach children (like those two that died recently at our precious southern border).

Oh-h-h-h-h!!!! Lord of Abraham!!!! Please build thy MIGHTY TRUMPIAN WALL and do it quickly to protect the white race in America before all is lost!

We know you have ordered our nice Mr. Trump to place our brand of the Christian faith in this country on a high pedestal above all others. We just know that our faith will soon take over everything and everyone in this country—and our preachers will soon be ordering every person in our nation to do just what they say——-or else.

Heavenly Father, you must surely despise poor people, sick people, homeless people, and those awful criminals in our prisons just as much as we do. Just look at them!!!  We especially know that you hate all those little LGBTQ boys and girls as much as we do. We just know that you have put all these detestable people in their dire life conditions because they offended you so very much. We know they want to take away our money and every last good thing that we own through socialist government programs. Please continue to protect us rare people of faith and our pocketbooks from this awful rabble of down-and-out people. When the big plant in town closed down Lord, times got hard for our husbands! These days they have a hard time keeping gas in their recent model Cadillacs and BMWs. Nonetheless, if you uphold Mr. Trump’s hands, we have faith that the plants will come back to life like Lazarus. Our husbands will return to work, and the gasoline will flow into their cars like the Holy Waters of Maytag flow upon our raiments.

Finally Heavenly Father—and most of all—above all else—tomorrow those Blue Devils-elect and all of their young harlots will take over the U.S. House of Representatives in that awful bed of sin and iniquity called Washington, D.C.  Please Heavenly Father. Watch over our nice Mr. Trump and protect him from them. Everything we have said so far in this prayer hangs in the balance. If our nice Mr. Trump goes down, we go down with him. If our nice Mr. Trump has done anything wrong, which we hardly believe possible, please blind those Blue Devils so they will be unable find and see those wrong things. Please keep our nice Mr. Trump in office no matter what, and please protect him so the U.S. Congress will be unable to remove those beautiful, ripe Georgia peaches from his body. AMEN.

Once again, I do not understand how or why Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals cannot see who and what President Donald J. Trump really is—and all of the unGodly chaos and evil that he represents. The Holy Bible is filled to the brim with dire warnings about men like Trump. Verses like this one are spread throughout much of the Bible, particularly in the Old Testament:

For You are not a God who delights in wickedness; no evil can dwell with You. The boastful cannot stand in Your presence.  You hate all workers of iniquity. You destroy those who tell lies; the LORD abhors the man of bloodshed and deceit (Psalms 5:4-6).

The Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals claim to love the Bible. However, it seems to me that a great many of them never read it, or when they do, they do not understand what it says. Maybe they promptly forget about what they have read in it—or they have a hard time recognizing its parameters when they play out in everyday life. But you know what? Thank goodness—blind cave fish that they are—they do not have to see or discern any of this.  Jesus has this situation with Trump firmly in hand. No one is pulling the wool over his eyes. The truth goes to work tomorrow afternoon with the Blue Wave in the U.S. House of Representatives, and Trump will be unable to prevail against it.

Peaches

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A Visualization of Trump’s Lies and Deceit

by Charles S. Garabedian

Happy New Years Eve!!!  Please take a look at the brief video clip below.  Victor Blackwell at CNN does the honors. This is fun and clever, but all the lies and deceit are no laughing matter:

Gumballs and Lies

I still find it hard to fathom how Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals can see a man like Trump as The Anointed One of the Lord, when men like Trump are warned against from one end of the Holy Bible to the other. If Trump had shown up in ancient Israel and done all of the things he has done over the past 72 years, and told all those lies to Israeli leaders and the Children of Israel, he would have been a dead man many times over according to the laws of the Torah and the many principles in scrolls like Proverbs, Psalms, and the writings of the Prophets. Nonetheless, the fundies of today claim this man as their earthly and bodily salvation—supposedly sent to them by God himself. What does it take to warp a human mind the way the minds of Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals have been warped by their churches, preachers, and religious leaders?

Party on today—be safe if you overdo it—and have a designated driver. We need you back here safe and in one piece for January 3, 2019. That is when the real party begins. T-minus four days and counting!!!!

just a thought, find someone you do not know and perform a random act of love and kindness for them to start off the New Year right. It will be like a lighted candle in the middle of the darkness they experience most days, and it will make you feel good too.  It might be as simple as holding the door for someone or lifting down an item off a high grocery shelf for some person.  Give it a try!!!

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End of the Year Message for Our Readers and Visitors

by Charles S. Garabedian

OnenismIs Someone Selling You This 100-lb Roll of Baloney?  Flee to Jesus!!!

Hi everyone!!! As fellow Christian author John Pavlovitz said today in a post on his enormously popular blog, the year 2018 was like a whole decade. They say time flies when you are having fun. That means it must slow down to a crawl when you are not having fun. Throughout the year 2018, most of our nation has been suffering under the evil and oppressive shadow of the dark tragicomedy known as The Donald Trump Show. Thankfully, this year is about to end. Let us all pray and hope that Democrat and Independent politicians; TV and radio news anchors; and other responsible people will cancel this awful show sometime next year.

Throughout 2018 we tried our very best to fight hard against the many evils of Christian fundamentalism and conservative evangelicalism in the United States—and against President Trump—the largest, most obvious, and most evident manifestation of that evil. In parallel, we tried our very best to support the Mainline/Mainstream Christian faith (the major denominational Protestant Churches—and our many brothers and sisters in the Roman Catholic Church, Eastern Orthodox Church, Greek Orthodox Church, Russian Orthodox Church, etc.—as well as many devout Christians not tied to a particular denomination or church right now), which we see as collectively the best modern expressions of the traditional, authentic Christian faith that dates all the way back to the 1st century A.D.

The Flee from Christian Fundamentalism blog has been in existence and operating for 3.5 years. During that time, we have posted 351 main blog posts that expose the many flaws inherent to Christian fundamentalism, conservative evangelicalism—and the outrageous, unChrist-like behavior of fundie preachers, fundie church members, and members of the so-called Religious Right. You may read each one of our 351 main blog posts by simply scrolling down through the full length of the Flee from Christian Fundamentalism blog. They are all there in a super-long string. All you have to do is scroll, and scroll, and scroll—and read each main blog post as you come to it.

Please look at the right side of our main blog page. Some of you may see a series of months and years in a long vertical column labeled as “Blog Archives. You may click on a particular month and year, and it will take you to a blog page where you can click on and read all of the main blog posts written in a particular month of a given year. If your screen shows the archive, that might be a better option for you than a lot of scrolling.

If you would like to know what the Flee from Christian Fundamentalism blog is all about, you may read about it in great detail and depth by looking at the black strip near the top of our main blog page. In particular, you will want to click on the “About” button and the “My Profile” button—and read all that is written there. If you are interested in leaving comments on our blog or in sending us an e-mail message, you may want to click on the “Blog Policy” and “Contact” buttons—and do some helpful reading there before you post your comments or send us an e-mail message.

Few Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals do reading on our blog. Why? From the day a Christian fundamentalist child is born into the world, she is taught that reading or viewing anything contrary to or critical of her fundie faith tradition may be a stumblingblock that will send her immortal soul to burn with agony for all eternity in Hell. Fear is the central driving force in Christian fundamentalism and conservative evangelicalism today. Cultivation and maintenance of the fundie belief system are built around planting this seed of fear in a person, nurturing it, and pumping it up like a balloon inside of every fundie church member. Fundie preachers use this balloon of fear as their principal instrument for controlling, manipulating, and bullying the members of their congregations. As a result, many small, independent Christian fundamentalist churches (and even some of the bigger ones) across our nation are little more than a local cult built around the charismatic personality of a powerful and all-controlling preacher who bullies the members of his congregation. He often preaches hate and bullies other Americans and groups of Americans outside of his church.

Some Christian fundamentalist and conservative evangelical preachers are people who fell into deep trouble with the legal system in their younger years and became young street punks, drug heads, and criminals—later serving serious prison time for their crimes. Somewhere along the line, they found Jesus (as they put it) and decided to become a Christian fundamentalist or conservative evangelical preacher. It was the perfect calling for them because it allowed them to do in church what they did best out on the streets—behave like a punk, lash out at the people they hate, control people, manipulate people—and maybe get a little teenage nookie on the sly from some poor little girl in the congregation. What is our honest belief here at the blog?  In many cases, on either a conscious or unconscious psychological level:

Once a young, brain-fried, two-bit, jail bird punk—always a young, brain-fried, two-bit, jail bird punk—and the title “preacher” does not change that fact one little bit—especially if the preacher behaves that way in the pulpit and he preaches hate against various people and groups outside of his church.

So, like I said, very few Christian fundamentalist or conservative evangelical church members visit the Flee from Christian fundamentalism blog to do reading. The prospect of doing it scares them out of their wits. We wish they would come—because they might learn something new, but their bullying preachers and their fear-based belief system have most of them cowed too much to come. That is unfortunate for them, but it is fine with us because the hard-core Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals who are scared out of their wits and angry all the time are not the main target audience for this blog.

The Flee from Christian Fundamentalism blog is targeted at the many millions, and millions, and millions of ordinary Americans who are not Christian fundamentalists or conservative evangelicals—and those many additional millions who are just sitting on the fence and trying to decide whether they should become a Christian fundamentalist or conservative evangelical—or whether they should go some other way in life and take another option within the Christian faith community as a whole. Our message is simple and clear:

Flee from Christian fundamentalism and conservative evangelicalism!!! Flee as fast as you can. Flee to the warmth, soul rest, and love of the traditional, authentic, mainstream Jesus Christ of the New Testament, which is most often found in mainstream Christian churches and in outside Christian faith movements with roots in liberal and/or progressive Christianity. Take that much better other option I mentioned above—-within the much wider Christian community as a whole in the United States. Failing that—-pull some friends together and start your own church from scratch. In so doing, you will save yourself from a lifetime of cultic brainwashing, false teachings, bizarre nonsense, and problems with mental illness such as clinical depression. Indeed, if you already suffer from clinical depression, a personality disorder, or any other mental illness, a Christian fundamentalist or conservative evangelical church is—we firmly believe—a very dangerous place for your mind, heart, and soul to reside–and it is a real risk for making your mental illness much worse than it already is.

Finally, after 3.5 years here at the blog, I am closing out this main blog post and the year 2018 by telling you the greatest compliment the Flee from Christian Fundamentalism blog has ever received. It was made to me by a rabid Christian fundamentalist in a comment on another blog.  I do not recall his exact words, but it was something very close to this:

I just wish you could understand the enormous amount of damage your blog is doing to the one, only, and “true” Christian fundamentalist faith in this country.

Here is a religious rule of thumb you can use in life, and it will never fail you. If any individual Christian, Christian church, Christian denomination, or Christian cult leader is selling you the idea that they—and they alone—have the one, only, and “true” Christian faith—and all the other churches, Christian faith organizations, and their members are just apostate pretenders on their way to a certain Hell—that is your first and best clue—and really the only basic clue you need—that something is terribly wrong with them and/or the outfit they represent. The individual person, church, denomination, or cultist presenting this highly exclusivist idea to you is dealing in lies, falsehoods, and the wiles of the Evil One—-FLEE!!! Flee to the authentic, liberating Jesus Christ of the New Testament and a liberal expression of the Christian faith—and get some true love and rest for your soul—and learn how to give that love and rest to others in the name and person of Jesus.

Christmas

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T-Minus 8 Days and Counting

How many of you remember the Saturn V rocket launch scene in Ron Howard’s famous movie entitled Apollo 13?  Here is a quick memory jogger:

Apollo 13 Launch

Fortunately, none of the Saturn V rockets ever exploded on the launch pad while human beings were on board in the Apollo capsule. Any such explosion would have been similar to the explosion from detonation of a small nuclear weapon. Suffice it to say that today—this very day—we are only 8 days away from a similar explosion (politically and figuratively speaking) in the U.S. Government. It is only T-minus 8 days and counting until January 3, 2019. This is the date when the Blue Wave Democrats are sworn into office by official oath; are seated in the U.S. House of Representatives; and take over complete control of the house to begin their work. What does that look like for President Donald J. Trump (and his minions), arguably the most incompetent, most evil, and most dangerous man to ever occupy the White House?

Trump may not know what it looks like yet, but I certainly do. This old movie clip below shows exactly what is on the minds that make up the Blue Wave, and this is what Trump (and all his evil) will face one minute after the oaths of office are taken. Do not take this as an exchange of evil for evil. Remember the beautiful Angels of the Lord that inhabited the interior of the Ark of the Covenant in the movie Raiders of the Lost Ark—and how they morphed into vicious monsters to attack the evil Nazis. Well, something similar is what Trump will face on January 3rd:

What Lies in Store for Trump

January 3, 2019—————————————————come quickly and save us all from the Trumpian evil and chaos that have befallen our country. 

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Second Child Dies in U.S. Custody on Our Southern Border——and What Conservative Readers Are Saying

by Charles S. Garabedian

Kids and Death

I read the story and was shocked at the Guatemalan boy’s death.  However, I was shocked even more by the reader comments at the end of the story. You may read the story—and especially the reader comments—by clicking on the following safe link:

Second Guatemala Child Dies in U.S. Custody

Take a good, close look at all of those reader comments. If you were to ask the commenters, I wonder how many of them would claim to be good, solid Christian folks? Yep. Jesus was born on Christmas Day. Jesus lived. A second child from Guatemala died in U.S. Border Patrol custody on Christmas Day.

I wonder if these migrant children from Central America are receiving an immediate intake medical examination by Department of Homeland Security (DHS) medical doctors (not nurses)—along with a nourishment, hyperthermia or hypothermia, and dehydration examination? Do these children get food and water immediately, or do they have to wait around for many hours or days in cages or in long lines before getting even a minimal evaluation—or any kind of help at all? Look—if an idiot like me can figure out what needs to happen—and when—in an upstairs library at home—one would hope and pray to God that someone in authority at the DHS on our southern border could figure out something so simple and obvious.

For only the second time in my life, I had to go to the emergency room at my local hospital a few days ago (chest pains). Many medical personnel swarmed all over me like my world and theirs was about to end. Every slightest inkling of something that might be wrong was checked out, and they kept me overnight for a grueling series of tests designed to assure me that I would never—ever—go to an emergency room again for fear that the cure would be far more difficult than the malady and my associated death. As it turned out my heart was in great shape for a person my age, and the chest pains were an unusual expression of GERD—probably associated with anxiety and stress over way, way, way too many things—like Trump, suffering children, and what is becoming of the Christian faith in this country and the hearts of our American people.

Sad to say, I expect more childhood deaths like this second one to occur because it appears to me that many things are going wrong at our southern border—things we are not being told about—and no one really cares about these children from Central America—or helping them is just too much trouble and expense for the modern Republican heart. Here is the standard answer:

If one of those children dies—not my problem. I didn’t tell’um to come here. Their parents brought them here and any deaths are all on them.

How would you feel about it if your local  hospital and its emergency room staff were to take the same attitude when you show up having a heart attack or a stroke?

Buy hey. It has been the same way for the past 2,000 years—a long journey on donkey back (or foot), a young woman on the verge of giving birth—and you guessed it—no room at the inn—but they can stay the night with all the manure and farm animals out in the barn.

When I was growing up in the American South in the 1950s and 1960s, and especially during the Viet-Nam War era, the highly conservative small town and rural folks of my parents’ generation would pull me aside to quietly tell me about them people (it was always them people) who live overseas in “them poor foreign countries” like Viet-Nam or Guatemala. Here is what they would say in a low voice:

Now son. What you need to understand is this—you know—about them people that live in Viet-Nam and all them other Third World countries. Human life is nothing to those people—just a small and inconsequential thing. Cruelty and death are a way of life for them—and they think nothing of it. They just don’t value human life like we Americans do. That is what makes us Americans so much different and so much better human beings than they are over there.

In other words, they thought people who lived in poor foreign countries were as bad or worse than wild animals—living a canine tooth and claw existence—with little or no sentiment of heart or basic sense of the common decency one would expect all human beings to have in at least some good measure.

The white conservatives, white racists, and white supremacists in the United States today are the children and grandchildren of the same Americans who spoke those paraphrased words above to me. In my honest opinion, they behave just like “them people” in the Third World that their parents and grandparents lectured them about. Their cold, cruel, inhumane, heartless thoughts and opinions about what happens to migrant folks (and their children) at our southern border prove it to me.

But God is watching American conservatives closely. Make no mistake about that. God and the heart of Jesus are watching their hearts closely under a microscope—right now—and if American conservative hearts do not change—they may one day count themselves among “them people” of the Third World.  The ancient scriptures had words for what I have laid out above, and American conservatives would do well to stop dead in their tracks and listen to those words:

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. Whatever a man sows, he will reap in return. The one who sows to please his flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; but the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life (Galatians 6:7-8).

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Baby Jesus and Those Old-Time Christmas Carols

by Charles S. Garabedian

Old-time, traditional Christmas carols have taught us many things. You know.  Christmas carols——the songs you do not hear so much anymore on the car radio because the music of Mannheim Steamroller has replaced them or some rock ‘n roller is inviting you to have a “Shakin’ Leg Daddy Christmas.”

You no doubt recall the last supper of Jesus and his 12 disciples in Jerusalem at the time of the Passover celebration (circa 33 A.D.).  Jesus said that the bread broken at the table was his body, which was about to be broken on the cross. He also said that the wine served at the table was his blood, which would be shed on the cross. Jesus then asked his disciples to eat the bread and drink the wine in remembrance of him.

Today we followers of Jesus do the same thing in the church ritual known as Holy Communion. In Protestant churches today, the bread is a little nib of cracker-like material and the wine is grape juice.

The Mainline Protestant churches use grape juice in communion out of respect for recovering alcoholics in the congregation. Roman Catholics use real wine—and maybe—just maybe—have a grape juice option for recovering alcoholics.

The Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals use grape juice because they believe drinking even one drop of any alcoholic beverage is profoundly sinful—never mind that the New Testament tells us Jesus made wine, served it to others, and drank it while he was here on planet Earth. Some Christian fundamentalists take this old prohibition lie of theirs to ever greater heights of deceit by falsely proclaiming that Jesus, his ancient disciples, and all of the other men and women of their time in Jerusalem drank grape juice.

We know that is an outlandish lie because the history of wine making and use in ancient Judea shows otherwise, as do archaeological finds where the ancient pottery vessels used in wine storage, shipping, and trading are sometimes found containing residual liquid 2000 years later—and that liquid ain’t Welch’s Grape Juice. It is actually the leftover ancient wine that was first stored in those well-sealed pottery jars, and it is just like the wine you buy in your local liquor store or grocery store today.  Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals cling tightly to their ethyl alcohol prohibition through that famous fundie mechanism known as the refusal to face facts.

In the holy communion ritual, Protestants view the cracker nib and grape juice as mere symbols of the body and blood of Jesus. The Roman Catholic Church believes the cracker and wine go into the mouth and taste just like a cracker and wine, but they are miraculously transformed into the actual human flesh of Jesus and the actual blood of Jesus as they go down the esophagus and into the stomach. This is why some ancient detractors and persecutors of the Christian faith could easily get away with accusing the early Christians of cannibalism.

Warning

This Main Post is About to Turn Weird

Back to the Christmas carols!!!  Communion crackers aside, have you ever wondered what the actual flesh of Jesus would taste like and feel like on the teeth and tongue if it had been slow cooking for several hours in a crockpot on your kitchen counter? Well, this is one of the things we learn about from the old-time Christmas carols. The carol Silent Night tells us that the baby Jesus was “tender and mild.” The carol Away in a Manger informs us that the head of the baby Jesus was “sweet.”

So, there you have it. The flesh of Jesus—or at least baby Jesus—was a sweet meat that was also tender and mild. That brings one thing—and one thing only—to the mind of any person born and raised in the American South——–old-time southern Bar-B-Q. The actual flesh of Jesus, when properly cooked, tastes almost like the very finest quality southern Bar-B-Q (beef, chicken, or goat). We have to leave pork out of this equation because Jesus was a Jewish man, and pork was considered to be ritually unclean by the ancient Jewish people. But make no mistake. Philistine as it may be, the very best old-time southern Bar-B-Q is always pork Bar-B-Q.

Why does any of this make sense at Christmas time?  Well, any southern man or woman will tell you straight up that there is nothing finer than old-time, southern Bar-B-Q. The eating of this dish (with all of the trimmings) on a southern dinner table is often equated with—-and I quote:

Being in Heaven

Jesus is in Heaven today. An excellent plate of pork Bar-B-Q is just like being in Heaven with Jesus. It too tastes sweet—and has a texture that is tender and mild.

Now do you see? A person can learn a lot from old-time Christmas carols. It is truly amazing—and just ponder it for a moment. Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals do to the words of the Holy Bible what I just did with the lyrics of those two famous Christmas carols. I read them simply and literally. That is the key danger in reading the Bible simply and literally under your fig tree—as if it is little more than the ballooned words in a comic book.  Wake up fundies!!!

This is the Sunday night before Christmas Eve—a time I call Christmas Eve Eve. If all of your Christmas shopping is finished, I urge you to eat out tonight at the best Bar-B-Q restaurant in your town or major urban center. The color of the sauce is red—a major Christmas color. It tastes like a bit of Heaven—and Jesus truly is the reason for the season. Many Bar-B-Q joints, as we call them down south, have a fireplace and an inviting wood fire burning in it. Sit near the fire; relax from all the crass commercialism; take Jesus back to the center of Christmas in your mind; feast on some excellent Bar-B-Q; and feel as if you are in Heaven with Jesus.

God bless all of you—and Merry Christmas. Happy Hannakuh to all of our Jewish brothers and sisters here at home and around the world:

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