Hot Today…….and Hot Tamale

by Charles S. Garabedian

Trump and Jesus

Trump and Jesus——Taking Rich and Poor Fundies to the Promised Land

Today is going to be a hot one in the American South. The National Weather Service says temperatures will be in the low 90s by 4:00 p.m. EDT. If it is going to be similarly hot in your area, try to stay cool. Drink plenty of cold water.  Water hydrates much better than soda pop, Kool-Aid, iced tea, fruit juice, etc. My doctor says those things are okay—but just plain old water is much better. Beer, wine and liquor will dehydrate you—pretty well-known medical fact.

One thing to avoid is driving on our Interstate Highway System at noon and throughout the afternoon. Most states have highway crews doing road work—even on holidays. One of the most miserable days I ever spent was July 4, 2002. We had a Honda Civic that was bought brand new off the dealer lot in 1998. In those days, Honda had really crappy air conditioning in their civic models. The temperature outside was 100+ degrees. We had just left a family reunion picnic luncheon at a state park in the Nashville area, and then we had to drive east for three hours+ on Interstate-40. Road crews were holding traffic up to the tune of about 1.5 hours in lines of cars as far as the eye could see—on a national holiday!!!  Our son was only one year old, and the heat came close to wiping out all four of us—figuratively speaking. My wife and I looked at each other and said: “Never again!!!!”

Now. Here comes the hot tamale (pronounced “Tay- Male” in some places). You may have seen this already, but just in case you have not, it is really, really, really disturbing. It just goes to show you how crazy some Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals really are—and how crazy things could get between now and November 2020. I suspect Tuesday of this week will be bad enough—getting back to Trump, the FBI, the U.S. House of Representatives, subpoenas, ignoring of subpoenas, impeachment, etc.

Go find a cool, quiet spot and read the following article where some fundie crazies let you know what they are actually thinking right now:

Christian Rightwingers Warn Abortion Fight Could Spark U.S. Civil War

Abortion by itself—nah!!!  But here is what really worries me. As you know, I live in the American South, and gargantuan numbers of the locals in my area are Redneck +++++++ on steroids. Some of them make good money and drive huge pick-up trucks. Many others drive old jalopies exhibiting gray undercoating—with some portions of their cars painted with a paint brush—and the guys look like they have not had a haircut or a bath in…..say maybe….eight months—-and have seen a dentist at least zero times in their lives. They love a thing called Raisn’ Hayul!!!! A lot of them get drunk as skunks to prepare for Raisn’ Hayul!!!! Far too many of them love firearms and ammunition more than they do life itself—or Jesus. And it goes something like this:

Trump’s mah may-y-y-y-y-y-y-y—un!!!!!! Heeza gonna a lead me and maw to the Promised Land. Heezuns izz done said so his own seff!!!!  Mah sister’s preacher sez Trump’s the Chosen One O’ God. Sis sez God won’ts him in that thar What House az long az kin be. Did Jew no theyz a tryin’ to impeach God’s own right hand man? Howz zat possible!!!!????  How cud any may-y-y-y-y-y–un thank lock that? How cud any may-y-y-y-y-y-y–un a thank lock that. Iffin that push cums to that thar shove, weezuns might has to join up with God an’ hep Trump. Iffin heezuns gitz gone frum that thar What House, howz weezuns a gonna git to the Promised Land???!!!  I jist gotz to git to the Promised Land.

Mah second hand double-wide got burnd out last year. Ah ain’t worked in fahv years, and ah had to back up an old fridge truck to mah burned out trailer—and weez a livin’ in that thang!!!!  But Trump’s a gonna take us to the Promised Land!!! He done said so—an weezuns believes him.  Heezuns is a stabel geenyus—and them thar stabel geenyussies knowz what theyzuns izza doin’ to git us to the Promised Land!!!!  God—-and the Promised Land!!!  That’un there’s what my may-y-y-y-y-y-y–un Trump’s all about. I’d doo jist about anythin’ to save Trump so heezuns can git me to the Promised Land!!!!  Let’s raise sum Hayul!!!!

Yes. I may have overdone that a bit, but from everything I have seen and heard down here in Fundieland for the past 2.5 years, that is what you would see if you opened up the doorway to the minds of these people and actually saw how the gears and rotors are turning.  And yes. Many of these people are poor people and poorly educated people. I would really like to see them make it to the Promised Land, but they are unable to see that they have fallen victim to a master grifter—a conman—a perpetual liar who cares only for himself and his own personal and business interests. They fail to understand that Trump sees their country—our country—as the new Government Division of the Trump Organization.

A knock-down, drag-out fight over abortion will not cause a new American Civil War. However, if a really nasty fight over abortion is combined with a real impeachment threat to Trump, and Trump voters feel they are about to lose all chances for their precious Promised Land, then all of that together might be the spark that could set off a new American Civil War. Abortion by itself——no. But the whole sordid, politico-religious package consolidated into one tight, throbbing lump might really lead to violence that could ruin our country.

It is all worrying to me—as a package. I just hope the objective professionals at the FBI, at the Department of Homeland Security, and in state/local law enforcement are keeping a close eye on these Christian fundamentalist and conservative evangelical pastors, evangelists, and other such nutjobs—like those in The Guardian article. The law enforcement and judiciary people in our government work so very hard for you and me day and night. Unfortunately, Trump, Attorney General Barr, and most of Trump’s supporters have turned in anger against our own law enforcement professionals and are going after them—the so-called investigation of the investigation—which really is a contrived witch hunt.

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Memorial Day in the 21st Century

by Charles S. Garabedian

My last blog article below was in many ways a summation of Memorial Day as it was understood and celebrated in the 19th and 20th centuries here in the United States. Today, I need you to buy into a simple fact. Those two centuries—even if you grew up in one of them—are long gone. L-o-n-g …………………………………….g-o-n-e!!!!

As many of you know, I have always been a strong student of American history and culture, and it causes me to notice things most other people would not notice. Over the past week or so, the fact that we are living in a new century finally dawned on me—hard. In just six months, the first fifth of the 21st century will be finished, and in just another five years, which pass so quickly these days, a full quarter of this new century will already be gone forever. We live in a new time and place where so much change is occurring every day—even in the world of the Christian faith. The Christian faith, as it was understood in the 19th and 20th centuries, will change too. I hope it will change for the better—and it will if a majority of the American people succeed in chasing Christian fundamentalism, conservative evangelicalism, and their new little godlett (President Donald J. Trump) into political and sociocultural marginalization like the evolution issue did in 1925.  Not to fear!!!  Trump will die of natural causes, courtesy of the Big Mac and its cholesterol, long before the 21st century is finished.

One of the things I have been trying to do is step back a wee bit and grok this new century and how it is shaping up before our eyes. One of the things I have noticed is an influx of new popular music—often from other countries—that emerges into American culture in ways it did not in the past. New 20th century music came into our lives for the first time by radio—usually our car radios—and then people would rush out to their local record stores to buy the album. How many of you have noticed that the local record store already went extinct in the early 21st century? For most of us, it no longer exists in the towns where we live—except for the poor selection at Wal-Mart and Target. We have Apple, Inc. to thank for that, and the rest is history.

Today one of the new places where really good, but fairly obscure, music arises is in TV commercials. How many of you are noticing that? I think the 21st century will see a lot more of that as time goes by. How many of you have seen the recent  Citi-Entertainment commercial on television?  Just in case you have not seen it, here it is:

Electronic music is going to be even bigger in the 21st century. Lady Gaga does it, and so do many others these days. After watching the Citi-Entertainment commercial, I went on-line to see if the full song exists. It does!!!

The singer is a Swedish woman by the name of Zara Maria Larrson (age 21). Supposedly, according to Wikipedia, this song went to No.13 on the Billboard Top 100 in the United States in 2017. You could have fooled me!!! I keep up with music and love nearly all kinds of music—and listen to it quite a lot. I had never even heard this song until I saw that TV commercial. Best I could tell, my local radio stations never even played it—and we have some really great rock, pop, and R&B radio stations in the area where I live.

I have the whole song for you.  The video is shown below.  Just click and play—and be aware that the 20th century is long gone now. Music is different now, and new music will get to you in many different ways in the 21st century.  Obscure musicians will arise and become famous—but not in old places like The Ed Sullivan Show or your local radio stations. You will need to monitor iTunes, You Tube, TV commercials, and other such venues to see what is new in music.

Here is Zara Larsson and her obscure but really good song entitled simply Wow. Yes. The song is about sex, and sex will be big in the 21st century like it is in nearly every century of human history—including in the Bible. Try to remember that it is not nasty—because God invented it—and “God don’t make no junk.” If you married folks out there want to have a really good Memorial Day weekend, please be sure to include some “drop-drop of the towel ” in your weekend. Just click here and happy Memorial Day weekend to you and your family:

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Memorial Day Weekend——Veterans——and——Food

by Charles S. Garabedian

My mom called it “Mem Oral Day.” Memorial Day weekend begins in the United States at 5:00 p.m. EDT today. That is when most Americans will scoot out of the office and begin celebrating in various ways.

For those of you who live overseas and are not conversant in American culture, Memorial Day is an official national holiday established to honor veterans of the United States armed forces, particularly those who died in battle across our entire past history as a nation. American citizens visit the graves of dead veterans and place American flags in the soil in front of their tombstones. In the American South where I live, people also put the Confederate States of America’s stars and bars flag on the graves of southern gray coat soldiers who died in the American Civil War (1861-1865). Most of those dead Confederate soldiers were the lineal ancestors of southern people who are still alive down south today.

Memorial Day is also a time when the nonmilitary dead are honored. In cities and rural areas all across the United States, we have many thousands of churches with cemeteries sitting right next to them. The people buried in these cemeteries are invariably people who were either members of the churches or the descendants of those who once were.

In the American South, the Sunday within Memorial Day weekend is often designated as Decoration Day. The current members of the churches who are still alive and the descendants of the people buried in the cemeteries gather to place flowers on the graves of their departed ancestors. Then they go into the churches for the 11:00 a.m. worship services. When these services are over at noon, people emerge from the churches to find numerous sawhorses set up in a long line with sheets of clean plywood on top of them. Paper table cloths cover the plywood, and hundreds of covered dish food items—cooked by the church members and attendees—sit on the long line of tables—ready to be eaten and enjoyed.

For you Yankees and Western folks out there, the lunch time meal (as you understand it) is officially called “dinner,” according to long-standing southern tradition going back more generations than anyone can remember. Sometimes, Decoration Day includes the all-day singing of religious hymns inside and/or outside of the churches—after the covered dish dinner has been served. This whole Decoration Day package in the American South has an official name that has made its way into the words of nonreligious songs—in the bluegrass music realm.  It is called:

ALL DAY SUNDAY SINGING AND DINNER ON THE GROUNDS

Southern women (and men) have been hailed as the best cooks in America for many generations. Green beans that crunch when you put them in your mouth is prima facie evidence of pathetic cooking abilities in the American South. If you are a young woman from Michigan and you are visiting down south with your new southern husband this weekend—and you brought crunchy green beans to dinner on the grounds—well—God help your soul—because very little of it will be left by end of the day. The southern women will say to you:

Why bless your heart!!!

Those four words in southern female speak are genteel code words for: “F#@k You Bitch.” I kid you not, and that is what crunchy green beans will buy you.

Dinner on the grounds in the American South is a palate’s best dream. If you go to one of these events this weekend, be sure and take your bottle of Atorvastatin with you. While your tongue is debauching, your arteries and veins will need saving as much as your soul. Every smart person knows southern food is so good because of all the salt and animal fat. This is one reason why the states of the American South are always listed as the worst health risk states in the United States. People far away who read about it in newspapers or magazines say:

Why they are so poor down there that they don’t even have hospitals and doctors’ offices. The people make so little money that it’s hard to get health services and medicines to them, especially those who live in back country areas. Why it’s just awful!!!

Sh-h-h-h-h. Please do not tell anyone. That’s what we want you to believe. It is one of the best kept secrets in the American South. We have numerous doctors, hospitals, and other first class medical services down south—all over the place—with many practitioners from Ivy League medical schools. Our southern people—both poor and wealthy—love our traditional southern foods. Fat, cholesterol, and salt are their own individual food groups down here, along with all the other food groups!!! Southern food is like a day in Heaven, and if you eat it every day, you feel like you are in Heaven every day. Because every third person is a Christian in the American South, all of that bad eating of wonderful food leads to….well…Heaven. As my father-in-law used to say:

Ah!!!  Who cares!!!???  When it is your time to go, it is just your designated time to go. Just enjoy life while you are here.

No!!!  He was not a Calvinist!!!  He was a Southern Baptist, and that just shows you how malignant Calvinism has slowly bled into southern Christianity over the past 100 years or so.

Be sure and read my next blog article above.  It is time to do the “drop-drop” this Memorial Day weekend!!!

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Why Do You People Come Here?

by Charles S. Garabedian

It is early Thursday morning, and the Flee from Christian Fundamentalism blog already has visitors from the United States, Hong Kong SAR China, Singapore, and Germany. I suspect they are all spammers. The thing they do not understand is that the spam messages they try to leave here for my readers are never read by any of my readers because Akismet intercepts nearly all of them and sends them to a special Hell where no one but me ever sees them. Only one or two messages (literally just one or two) have ever gotten to the eyes of my readers over the past four years that this blog has been in operation.

Now here is the fun part. For many decades, I have read story, after story, after story about how people in nearly all foreign countries are light years more educated than Americans. Based on the spam messages these foreign folks try to leave here, you can tell they took an English class—maybe—and learned very little in it.

Akismet routes all of the spam messages people try to leave on this blog to a special File 13 that allows me to view and read all of them—if I like. It also allows me to delete them from that file in bulk. If I get 2,000 spam messages on a single day, with the click of a button, I can get rid of them in just a few seconds.

I cleaned that file out yesterday, so I am going to give you a “made-up” example of the kind of  spam messages foreign people try to leave on this blog.  Check this out:

Sir honoble most. Yore blog I read imaginations my captures. Yore writing elaborate puts the emotions on my soothes. Have product quite preferable to your odds on liking that put the boost on blog visitor types. Cheep product electronic what helps me with the chickens on the buy. Discount big by dialing mine address for e-mails. Cum quick. Johnny lose dollar short day lately!!!

I mean really!!! Americans are uneducated? Nearly every doggone one of the foreign spam messages that Akismet captures for me reads like that one. Where did these people learn how to speak or write in English?  Was it in an old Sears catalog in an opium den?

Listen up foreign spammers. The United States has had 375 Nobel Prize winners, more than any other country in the world. The country in second place, the United Kingdom, is nowhere even close at 129 Nobel Prize winners. From there, the numbers for other countries drop down into the pitiful zone. Even the Soviet Union/Russia has only 25 Nobel Prize winners.  Why do so many foreign students dream about getting a college education in the United States? It is because we have the best overall collection of colleges and universities on the planet—and the whole world knows it. Sure. We have stupid people here in the United States, but you have them in your countries too.  I will put our best against your best any day of the week—and watch you lose. European Space Agency?  Give me a break!!! You guys are really great at crashing space probes on Mars!!!  When you plant the first long-term human colony on Mars, which we are going to do first, give us a call and maybe we will talk.

And remember:

Sir honoble most. Yore blog I read imaginations my captures. Yore writing elaborate puts the emotions on my soothes. Have product quite preferable to your odds on liking that put the boost on blog visitor types. Cheep product electronic what helps me with the chickens on the buy. Discount big by dialing mine address for e-mails. Cum quick. Johnny lose dollar short day lately!!!

Here is a real one I just pulled out of my Akismet spam catcher file on one of my other blogs. Check this one out:

Thanks for the auspicious writeup. It in fact used to be a amusement account it. Look complicated to more introduced agreeable from you! However, how could we communicate?

If only one or two foreign people were doing this, we Americans would give you all a break and a good hug. However, Akismet has saved you from having to read 61,000+ versions of those short statements on this blog—all from thousands of different foreign people all around the world—people who appear to be unable to lay down a good sentence in English. Therefore, I do not want to hear another hypercritical word from you overseas folks about how stupid and uneducated all Americans are—when compared to you and your people. We Americans are tired of your abuse.

I will end this by giving you foreign folks one positive thought to make you feel proud. Donald J. Trump did not arise from your foreign soil. He is our peculiar product, and his presence on American soil comes close to cancelling out everything I just said about Americans and education.  If you would like to take him off our hands, we can pack him in a box, wrap it with decorative foil, put a nice red ribbon and bow on it—and FEDEX him to you. No returns or regifting allowed.

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Oh-h-h-h…..Play….Learn….Do…………..

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Today Was a Really Bad News Day——But Most of All——I Want You to Understand It——and Take Action

by Charles S. Garabedian

Justice III

Two major and quite frightening national issues came to a head today in the news. Both were driven by American Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals who are hellbent on doing the following:

(1) Taking over the United States of America as their exclusive personal property.

(2) Using our nation’s governmental authority and powers to dictate to you (as in dictatorial tyranny) what you must do and what you must not do—according to their religious belief system.

(3) Wrestle you and your family into personal submission to their fundie religious belief system so they can do whatever they wish with your lives, which includes causing you to deny your own conscience, taking away the civil rights you already have, and ensuring that you never gain the new civil rights you most need.

(4) Having the unmitigated gall to stamp the words “Approved by Jesus Christ” to every stupid, nefarious, and wicked fundie burden they choose to place on your backs.

You may have already heard about the two major issues I mentioned above if you have read or watched today’s news.  If not, here is an encapsulation of what crystallized today:

ISSUE NO. 1

We have an American President (Donald J. Trump) who is openly and blatantly denying the legal rights the U.S. Congress possesses to exercise oversight of the Executive Branch of the federal government, rights clearly given to the U.S. Congress by our founding fathers under Article 1 of the U.S. Constitution.

President Trump took an official oath of office at his inauguration in January 2017 at the U.S. Capitol Building in Washington, D.C. It is not an oath that was created by some person in recent times. The exact words of that oath are in Article 2 of the U.S. Constitution. Here are the exact words of that oath:

I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.

By functionally denying the U.S. Congress its legitimate constitutional rights to oversee the Executive Branch of the federal government, President Trump has violated Article 1 of the U.S. Constitution. By doing so, he has also directly violated the oath of office that he took. That is two direct counts in violation of the U.S. Constitution. The U.S. Constitution, in its famous Supremacy Clause, directly states that the words of the U.S. Constitution, including all of the amendments to it, are—and this is a direct quote:

The Supreme Law of the Land

I do not say this lightly, but it is as plain as the nose on anyone’s face. President Donald J. Trump is now a criminal president who has violated, is continuing to violate, and is further conspiring to violate the Supreme Law of the Land—the U.S. Constitution. In effect, we have a criminal U.S. President who has effectively, within the past few weeks, assumed the role of First Tyrannical Dictator of the United States of America—and in the coming months you will see him strive to further undermine the U.S. Constitution and consolidate his power and role as a dictator—striving each day to be a maximally effective leader like his current heroes: Vladimir Putin of Russia, President Xi Jinping of Communist China, Kim Jong Un of North Korea, Rodrigo Duterte of the Philippines, etc.

Furthermore, the Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals in our country support this tyrant to the full hilt—hoping with every fiber of their existence that Trump will deliver into their hands the long-awaited power to execute Items 1 through 4 at the beginning of this article.

 

DickTater

 

ISSUE NO. 2

The state-level anti-abortion bill signed into law today by female Governor Kay Ivey in Alabama is the first major step in a primarily Christian fundamentalist and conservative evangelical effort to set up a golden opportunity for the U.S. Supreme Court to overturn its 46-year-old Roe v. Wade decision.  This decision legalized a woman’s right to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. Furthermore, former U.S. Attorney Jeff Toobin, the Chief Legal Analyst at CNN, firmly believes that this effort will definitely succeed in the next few years. However, unlike Jeff, I do not think all is lost—not yet.

Women and girls of America! President Donald J. Trump, by his own words, is a “pussy grabber.” He and his two newest male appointees to the U.S. Supreme Court are now expected—in effect—to give every Christian fundamentalist preacher, conservative evangelical preacher, and Republican politician in the United States legal religious control over your crotch lips, vagina, cervix, and ovaries—and the rest of your body too. Just like in the stark novel, A Handmaid’s Tale, your bodies will no longer be your own. The federal  government, state governments, and the fundie churches will own your crotch and the rest of you.

The fundies will claim their effort is all about saving the lives of human embryos, which they hope to legally define as a “person.” That is no doubt part of it, but for those of us who have studied the overall Christian fundamentalist and conservative evangelical agenda in depth for many years, we know there is far more to this effort than just that and that alone.

The long-term agenda of the Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals is to legally ensure what they brazenly call “God’s Original Design for the Family” and take every American woman—regardless of religious affiliation or religious nonaffiliation—into full submission to the beliefs of the fundie churches and into full submission to the wills of their husbands. In effect, women and girls will once again—for all intents and purposes—become the legal property of their husbands, and the husbands will become their dictatorial overlords in the home and out in public—just like in Islamic countries. This is why many Americans already refer to Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals—and I think rightly so—as the American Taliban.

Get ready American women and girls. The next fundie target will be illegalization of birth control. Why? The Christian fundamentalist and conservative evangelical reading of 20th century American history claims that the birth control pill began the so-called American Sexual Revolution of the 1960s. They believe safe and affordable female methods of contraception liberated American women and made it possible for them to pursue careers in the workplace, and they further blame “the pill” and other forms of contraception for destroying the ideal American family—as strictly defined by the fundie religious belief system.

Basically, to make a long story short, the long-term Christian fundamentalist and conservative evangelical agenda calls for making women the new peasants of the American home. Female education at colleges and universities—what a waste of energy on a woman who will be chained to the kitchen range for the rest of her life!!! However, women will be allowed to attend the Possum Holler College of the Bible so they can learn how to be better-quality slaves of the home in full submission to their husbands.

Women and teenage girls, welcome to your new official role as home-based breeding cows. Just like the women of the 1950s, your day will consist mostly of being pregnant, raising three to five children, house cleaning, grocery shopping, watching soap opera’s, and baking cookies for the church social. Then, just like in the 1950s, there might be the possibility of short-term volunteer service in the community, like the old southern tradition of serving on the local White Citizen’s Council and helping to decide which local negro will be lynched on the old oak tree in Mary Foster’s front yard. Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals yearn for a return to the 1950s, which they regard as God’s perfect American decade. Never mind that the African-American citizen hanging from that tree would object strenuously to such nonsense.

Please  listen  to me American women and girls. You are in danger tonight—for the first time in many American decades—you truly are in danger. President Trump and his Christian fundamentalist and conservative evangelical supporters are coming after you via Republicans in state legislatures, state courts, and federal courts. Their goal—in so many ways—is to find legal means to take away your freedoms, to take away your rights to control your own bodies, and to enslave you. Women and girls, if there ever was a time in American history, now is the time to peacefully take it to the halls of government and to the streets to fight for your rights.

At most, I would guess that you have—maybe—just maybe—one year or a little more to work hard and head off a true disaster for American women and girls. If Roe vs. Wade is overturned by Trump’s new U.S. Supreme Court, American Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals will be emboldened to take away even more of your hard-won freedoms.

American women and girls!!! You have a decision to make today. Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals have put a “pussy grabber” in the White House. The question you have to answer tonight is simple:

Are you going to allow Christian fundamentalist and conservative evangelical leaders and preachers to walk straight into your “pussies” like a 16th century Spanish conquistador and plant a flag of fundie ownership into the floors of your vaginas?

Televangelists

Do You Want People Like These Planting a Flag of Ownership in Your Vagina?

Wake up American women and girls!!! I support you!!! Right-thinking men all across the United States support you!!!  Now is the time to get busy and fight back hard!!! You can start with your local chapter of any major women’s rights group that supports Roe v. Wade. You can donate to Planned Parenthood, the American Civil Liberties Union, or Citizens United for Separation of Church and State.

Make your protest signs and take to the streets by the millions day and night—and keep at it. If you attend a church where women can organize around certain issues—go for it. The time to fight back has come—and time is short.

And remember, the Republican Party is no friend to American women as a whole, and an election is coming up next year. Please contact your Republican U.S. Representative, two U.S. Senators, and the President of the United States. Let them know that if Roe v. Wade is overturned or impinged, you are going to kick him or her square in the ass with your vote at the ballot box in November 2020. You kicked their sorry hind ends like an angry mule in the 2018 election. You can do it again in the 2020 national election—and I can assure you that they and their fundie sycophants will never forget it.

I only rarely ask this of my readers—but I will ask today. Please send this main blog article out to all of your friends, family members, fundies you know, nonfundies you know, your Facebook pages, Twitter accounts, and other social media platforms. Send it to your politicians. Send it to acquaintances, pastors, and other people all over the United States. Hang it at on-line bulletin boards. Spread it all over the nation—everywhere you can find. Spread it across the whole world. The time to fight back has come—and it has to be now—but let us all do it legally and peacefully in accordance with the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, as our Lord Jesus Christ, Mahatma Gandhi, and Martin Luther King, Jr. would want us all to do.

Fall down on your knees and pray earnestly to Jesus that this present Christian fundamentalist and conservative evangelical pestilence will soon pass over us. If you remember the Old Testament and the Jewish exodus out of bondage in ancient Egypt, this is the year to paint your lintels with “lamb’s blood” so this pestilence will indeed pass over you and your house—and if successful—you will have a passover to celebrate in the years to come. And never forget this one important fact. Jesus came, in part, to fulfill a promise God made to Eve after the fall. Women were the first humans to bear witness to the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Jesus came to set women free—and he did.  It is up to you to defend and protect the gift he has given to you.

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Climate Change, the Rapture, and the Apocalypse

by Charles S. Garabedian

global-warming

Fundie Stupidity at Work for You

Check it out folks!!!  Another record hot summer is coming, and the following timely  news article was hot off the press just yesterday:

Carbon Dioxide Hits a Landmark Quantity

I would like to be 18 years old and live another century at that age. Why? I love watching American history and world history (good and bad) unfurl before my eyes. Archaeologists, historians, and social scientists like to do stuff like that. Here is the slogan:

A Witness to History

Why? Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals are two human groups who live in denial of man-induced climate change. They do not believe it exists, and even worse if it did exist, they do not believe in fixing the problem. They believe it is a liberal/progressive plot to empty their pockets for no good reason. Worst of all, many fundies think all the horrifying things that “might” (in their minds) come out of it will be their greatly anticipated Tribulation Time or The Apocalypse. They think Jesus will be coming to rescue them (and them alone) by rapturing them out of here—because they are all so very special and so very righteous above all other people: blah….blah….blah. We have all seen the love strokes the fundies are always giving themselves—and most people outside of fundie circles would rather have a green puke than watch them sprinkle such sugar on themselves day and night.

I want to be camping out on a street corner in the worst of it during the year 2070 and watch the global average air temperature hit an increase level of 4 degrees C.  I want to see the looks on fundie faces when the jaws of environmental catastrophe finally grab them like a predator—and leave them with no ability to deny it. As the old Chinese proverb says:

You cannot reason with a tiger when your head is in its mouth.

When their heads are locked tightly in the man-induced global warming tiger’s mouth, they will be unable to rationalize it away or deny it. I want to hear it all on that future street corner:

Why didn’t someone see this coming????!!!! Why didn’t someone warn us about this????!!!! Why didn’t somebody do something???!!!!

Then I will inform them that they were warned about its coming for decades, and Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals refused to hear the truth and refused to do anything about it—and even fought hard against doing anything about it when there was still time—and it would have worked.

I might have to camp out on that street corner for a few years if the city will let me. I want to see the overwhelming fear and horror on all the fundie faces when they realize they are standing smack dab in the middle of the worst tragedy in human history—and it will never get any better. It will only get worse, and worse, and worse with each passing year.

Most of all, I want to see that precious moment—that oh so very precious moment—when the fundies finally realize that there is no rapture—because a British preacher invented it out of thin air in the year 1830—and Jesus is not coming to rescue them from this so-called Tribulation Time. I want to kick back, relax, and watch the fundies ripping the clothes off their bodies with their bare hands because they can no longer endure the anguish they created for themselves and all the peoples of the Earth when they ignored God’s plain and loving warning, through his climate change scientists, decades before that moment of anguish began.

Lastly, the greatest moment of ecstasy for me, as I sit on that street corner, will come a few years later when all the Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals will be gathered in the streets—unable to endure the anguish anymore—and they are forced to cry out to the skies the words Jesus predicted people just like them would one day cry out:

At that time ‘they will say to the mountains, “Fall on us!” and to the hills, “Cover us!”’ For if men do these things while the tree is green, what will happen when it is dry?” (Luke 23:30-31)

Oh-h-h-h-h-h-h.  It will be dry all right!!!  They can count on that!!! They will see drought everywhere!!!  Then the skies will shout back down to the fundies the words they most deserve to hear—words my fundie uncle, Malcolm P. Parker, made famous in our family when I was growing up in the Nashville area:

I wouldn’t give you a drop of water or a blade of grass if you were a goat grazing on a concrete pasture.

Then the gathered fundies (drenched wet with sweat from all the heat and surrounded by parched land, withering crops, and diminishing drinking water) will say:

Goats. That sounds familiar. Something about goats in the Bible—in the New Testament somewhere. I can’t remember what it was or where it was because I am so hot I can no longer think straight.

Sitting on my street corner, I will then say to the fundies:

You must be thinking about those goats in Matthew 25:31-46. As the old Pogo comic strip might say about you fundies: “We have met the goat, and he is us.”

Then the gathered Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals in the streets will cry out to the skies:

We were your most faithful human beings—far above and beyond the faith of all other human beings on Earth. We were just plain better people, and you know that Lord!!! We were your cat’s meow!!! We memorized all your ancient laws, made new laws out of every verse in the New Testament, and then let our preachers make even more new laws on top of those. We kicked the Book of Galatians square in the ass and made obedience to all those laws the most important thing in our lives—while giving some lip service here and there to Jesus and his grace—but it was mostly all about your laws—and make no mistake Lord—we expect to be rewarded handsomely for being thoroughly anal law obeyers—because obedience is what it’s all about.

Then the blistering sun and its ray-shattered skies will cry back to them and prophesy about man-induced global warming and their horrifying environmental predicament:

It never was about laws and obedience. It was all about grace and love—not obedience to laws. But if you insist on laws and insist that your obedience to them was the do all, be all, and end all of existence on this Earth, then you must have missed these words in the New Testament.  You fundies and your time here on this Earth are about finished—and every damned one of you missed these important words in the Bible:

The nations were angry, and your wrath has come. The time has come for judging the dead, and for rewarding your servants the prophets and your people who revere your name, both great and small and for destroying those who destroy the earth.” (Revelation 11:18).

Goat loading for you fundies begins at Aisles 3, 14, 35, 149, and 666!!!  If you think the climate on Elm Street is hot now…

Well—an old guy like me can at least fantasize some about the fundie future—and laugh out loud about it.

Way back in the 1980s, I was in a newly found career crisis. I prayed to Jesus and prayed hard about the right career road for me to take. Most of all, I asked Jesus to find me a new career that would serve both Jesus and the welfare of all mankind. I asked for a career with both meaning and mission. Through a strange miracle—and it really was a miracle—so strange it could have only come directly from Jesus—and I even felt it in a moment by the sea when it was locked in place for me without my full knowledge.

That new career turned out to be protecting our natural environment here on Earth and participating in the environmental clean-up process for some of the worst and most dangerous chemically and radioactively contaminated sites in the United States. My official title was Environmental Analyst or Environmental Scientist. I did that work for 27 years—until the work essentially ran out one day in 2014—when my company and I had completed nearly all of the work on a major contract project.

I was really concerned about that because my lay-off came while The Great Recession of 2008 was still underway, and in my area, it was impossible to even buy a job doing anything. Strictly for economic reasons, I needed to work more years—or so I thought. I tried to get another full-time environmental science job, but no such job came. I fretted about it quite a lot and spent one morning fretting about it rather deeply in various ways.

Then it happened in the afternoon of that same fretting day, while I was in my Honda van and driving west on a local highway. It came out of nowhere when I least expected it. It was “The Voice,” the one I told you about in an earlier blog article. You know. The bus and the fire. The oddball marriage prophecy that came true.

A feeling of enormous warmth, peace, kindness, and love came suddenly and wrapped itself all around me as I drove my van westward. “The Voice” came to me and said only two kind words:

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

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