We Fundies Are Special and You’re Not—-Nya-Nya-Nya-Nya-Nya-Nya!!!!

by Charles S. Garabedian


Some unknown person did a Google search tonight and landed on the Flee from Christian Fundamentalism blog. The search term they entered into their browser was as follows:

Is the fundamentalist the only true Christian?

Naw!!! You don’t mean it? We’ve never heard anything like that before around here!!! (That was ironic sarcasm.)

Christian fundamentalists have told us many times how special they are, how exclusive they are, and how God’s big ole heart “pitty-pats” for them—and them only. In their sinful, pride-filled, arrogant hearts, they and they alone have everything right. Supposedly, they please God more than any other human beings. The fundies behave as if they have never read these words of Jesus in the New Testament:

Then Jesus told this story to some who had great confidence in their own righteousness and scorned everyone else: “Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the other was a despised tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer: ‘I thank you, God, that I am not like other people—cheaters, sinners, adulterers. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.”

“But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’ I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” (Luke 18:9-14).

The thing we have never fully figured out is why Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals so desperately need to feel special and why they so desperately need everyone outside their circle not to be special—and eventually go to Hell. In fact, many of them behave as if they will one day be severely disappointed if everyone outside their faith circle does not go to Hell.

They will be disappointed one day!!!  They will be disappointed when they see Heaven is filled to bursting with Roman Catholics, Eastern Orthodox Christians, Mainline Protestants, and all the other so-called “apostate” Christians they hate so much.

My Guess: They will ask God if He can create a special city in Heaven just for fundies only—so they do not have to associate with other Christians in Heaven who might stain their self-perceived and self-accomplished perfection (oxymorons). I hope God will say to them:

It’s time to grow up now boys and girls, learn how to get along with other people, share your bread with strangers, and quit imitating the hole between your buttocks. It is okay to have an asshole, but it is not okay to be one in front of nearly every person you meet. That is not allowed here in Heaven—and by the way—you are no more special and no less special than any other humans here.

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1 Response to We Fundies Are Special and You’re Not—-Nya-Nya-Nya-Nya-Nya-Nya!!!!

  1. Lanny Glick says:

    I have never wanted to go to a heaven that was reserved for the likes of Jerry Falwell and Pat Roberson and refused admittance to Gandhi and the Dali Lama…
    Plus, I expect a really good band….


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