by Charles S. Oaxpatu
Christian fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals believe in a future earthly spiritual event they call The Rapture. They believe an awful tribulation time is coming to the Earth. Right before it does, Jesus is going to make a very brief second coming appearance and float around in the sky. As He floats, Jesus will command all living “true” Christians on Earth to suddenly assume spiritual bodies, which will then rise high into the air to float with Jesus for a little while among the clouds, and then they will all go off to Heaven together. The purpose of this rapture is to rescue all “true” Christians from a coming tribulation time, a period of massive and widespread human suffering the likes of which have never been seen before on planet Earth. Those people who are “left behind” on the Earth after the rapture will experience this intense, long-term suffering. Why? All people who are not “true” Christians deserve such suffering because of their many heinous sins—like being a serial killer, Roman Catholic, bank robber, Lutheran, carjacker, thief, rapist, pedophile, United Methodist, child pornographer, Episcopalian, or prostitute.
I do not believe in this so-called rapture and neither do millions of other really serious Christians here in the United States and around the world. In fact, I call this fundie spiritual nonsense The Rupture because it is just one more glaring hole in the fundie belief system—a hole you could drive a tractor trailer rig through. We see this so-called rapture as just another self-serving, spiritual-pride-driven tool of convenience fundie Christians have invented to make themselves look exclusive and extra special. You know:
Hey!!! Look at us. Jesus loves us—and he hates you. We hate you too. We are going to get raptured out of here. These are the end times, and we have a Get Out of Death Free Card. Nya, Nya, Nya, Nya, Nya, Nya!!! Do you know what else? Being as how we have a Monopoly on right religion, we get to pass death by and collect $200 from St. Peter. All you people who get left behind are going to suffer—man are you guys ever going to suffer!!! Serves you right! You know why? It’s because you do not believe in Jesus and the Bible exactly the way we do. We believe right doctrine, and because of it, Jesus thinks we are so much more lovable, special, and worthy than you are. See here on our hind ends. Jesus just personally ink-stamped our buttocks USDA Prime Christian.
A few months ago on the Flee from Christian Fundamentalism blog, you listened to a two-part lecture wherein Reverend Keith Ward (Ph.D), an Oxford/Cambridge Christian scholar and priest in the Anglican Church, used the Bible to rip Christian Fundamentalism to shreds. Please join us now in the following safe links to learn a little bit about The Eastern Orthodox Church, which traces its own history all the way back to the 1st century A.D. Then watch how Father Dimitry Cozby, a priest in The Eastern Orthodox Church and a Ph.D. Christian scholar from Duke University, drop about 30,000 lbs of napalm on the fundie false doctrine of The Rapture. Here are the safe links to click: